The Funny Book: Good Jokes and Puns by KEndric C. Smith

Author:KEndric C. Smith [KEndric C. Smith]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Good Jokes and Puns
Publisher: Kendric C. Smith
Published: 2018-07-30T00:00:00+00:00

1. I hate Russian dolls, they’re so full of themselves.

2. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain.

3. My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied Lubricant.

4. Don't let an extra chromosome get you down.

5. I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn't want to interrupt her.

6. People used to laugh at me when I would say "I want to be a comedian", well nobody's laughing now.

7. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

8. Throwing acid is wrong, in some people's eyes.

9. My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.

10. I haven't slept for three days, because that would be too long.

11. The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself, "This changes everything."

12. My grandfather has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the local zoo.

13. Say what you want about deaf people…

14. I've spent the past four years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer, but no one will do it.

15. I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade."

16. I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

17. I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust.

Why do chicken coops have 2 doors? Well, if it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

What is a buccaneer? Too much to pay for corn.

What is the difference between an onion and a bagpipe?

No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.

How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door?

He can't find the key, and doesn't know when to come in.

What do you call a pile of kittens? A meow-tain.

"Ole, do ya know the difference between a shower curtain and toilet paper?" "No, what's the difference?" "Aha, You're the one!"

The young king was an animal lover, and issued a decree that henceforth there was to be no more hunting or trapping of any wild animals. The people were unhappy about this, because it cut off a food supply for them, and could endanger them and their livestock. Sure enough, the deer, wolves, and wild boars proliferated and were eating crops and livestock and attacking people and pets throughout the kingdom. Peasants and nobility alike rose up in rebellion and forced the young king to abdicate the throne. It was the first time in history that the reign was called on account of the game.

A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables under his arm. The Bartender says, I'll let you drink in here, but don't you start anything."

A guy walks into a bar and orders a double martini. He slams it down in one gulp andorders another one. He slams that one down too and orders a third. The bartender said, "Hey buddy, what in the heck are you doing? You are going to kill yourself drinking like that.

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